Saturday, January 3, 2009

Open House

Tomorrow we have yet ANOTHER open house. Yippy. We're hoping things will start moving now that the holidays are over. Today we're cleaning and putting away and folding and prettying everything up. We're hoping that it's clean enough, nice enough, tempting enough for someone to make an offer. I'm going to start throwing myself at the feet of potential buyers, clinging to their pant legs, leaving pools of tears at their feet, begging them to pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasebuymyhouse!!!! Although I hear that's not really the wisest thing to do, as a seller.

I'm just at a loss here. We've only sold two houses before this one, but they weren't on the market even close to this long. Different times, different area, I know. But I'm watching houses around me sell, it's not like people aren't buying. And we have a nice house, in a nice neighborhood. I'm sure it's not the house.

So, seriously, WTF? We haven't even had anyone look except for during open houses. Is that as odd as I think it is? Are we jinxed? Should I bury one of those magic house selling saints I keep hearing about? (And where do I get one of those, anyway?) Do I need to sacrifice something to the gods of real estate? Is there a specific god of real estate?? Maybe throw something unusual in to sweeten the deal? Offer up a year of free maid service, if only they'll buy my freaking house???

I'm starting to become suspicious. M2 keeps saying she doesn't want me to move. She's probably spreading rumors that our house is haunted, or that we use the "garden" to sacrifice goats to Satan. And that's totally untrue. We use our garden to grow pot, we use the bathtub to sacrifice goats to Satan.* Although the goat hair is totally clogging up my drains, and the plumber is getting suspicious.

I'M KIDDING. The plumber just thinks my husband is unusually hairy, but he's part Hungarian, so it's cool. My husband is part Hungarian, not the plumber. In case you weren't clear on that. Did you know that Hungarians are an unusually hairy people? I could knit socks from my husbands chest hair. It's insane. But try to focus here, people, you're getting distracted.

Back to the topic at hand...tomorrow is our open house, and I'm getting worried. The job market isn't secure, and I feel like the Wicked Witch - like I'm being crushed beneath the weight of our house. I keep telling myself that in a few years so many people will have been foreclosed on, been late on payments, had cars repo'ed, it probably won't matter anymore. And it's not like we'll ever be homeless. We have enough family and friends that we could go to in a bind, we'll be OK. (Get that bedroom ready, Mama, we're movin' in!) But I really hope that won't be necessary. And right now, all my worries are centered on getting out from under this house. So here's hoping something happens this weekend.

Think good thoughts for us, everyone. And if I find out you've been spreading rumors, M2, I'm totally telling everyone you're the head of our coven. And they'll beleive me, because you're a "vegetarian" from New York. And everyone knows the whole vegetarian thing is just a front for animal sacrifice, because no one could possibly live in West Texas and not eat meat. And also, New York is where covens have their headquarters and hold seminars and sleep-over camps and stuff.

*I was kidding about the pot and the animal sacrifices. No drugs, no goats. I promise.


The Foil Hat said...

LOL - for someone so stressed out, you've definitely kept your sense of humor. I hope something happens with this open house. You can get a St. Joseph statue at your nearby Catholic church - most of them have a little store with that kind of stuff in them. Just bury him head down in your back yard. It's way cleaner than animal sacrfices.

lisafer said...

Well, you know...laugh, go crazy, one of the two! :)

Thanks for your good wishes, and thanks for the tip! I will check out the church. I hadn't even thought to look there, and I was afraid to ask at the Christian store. I didn't think 'that saint you bury so your house will sell' would be appreciated.

ImPerceptible said...

No drugs, no goats? Dang. :)

lisafer said...

Sorry to disappoint.... ;)