Monday, January 5, 2009

10th Anniversary - NOT the year of the hooker

My husband's birthday is this month and our 10th anniversary is the day after, and I got nothin'. No clue. And I'm wondering why I ever thought that getting married the day after his birthday was a good idea. It's like having to find a present for someone with a birthday the day after Christmas. (Yes, mom, it's a pain in the ass.) I've never been so much at a loss when it comes to gifts. I've got a little more than a week to sort it out, and I'm starting to worry.

I mean, the birthday isn't too big a deal, I'll find something. But ten years of marriage? That's something I want to celebrate accordingly. And he says he's already got something planned for me, which, considering my husband's (lack of) gift giving skills, is impressive. He's more of an 'oh crap, Mother's Day is tomorrow, I wonder what I can find at Wal-Mart at midnight' type of gift giver.* If his gift sucks then I'm off the hook, but can I really take that risk?

My past gifts have been things like a flight in an ultralight, skydiving, paragliding, or something along those lines. Yes, my husband is an adrenaline junkie, and no, I am not just trying to kill him. Since ten is tin or aluminum, I'm trying to think of something along those lines. So far, all I've got is beer. Which he'd appreciate, but how uninspired a gift is that?

A few years ago, I was on a Curb Your Enthusiasm kick. Larry David and his wife had a deal that after ten years of marriage, he could have one affair. There's this whole episode where he's trying to find someone to sleep with, with his wife's approval. She thinks he'll never be able to find anyone willing to have sex with him. It's absolutely hilarious. But anyway, with that in mind, I could go find that hooker that hit on MM in New Mexico, but he said she was just scary. And really, if you're going to go the whole hooker-for-your-10th-anniversary route, you should try to find one that isn't soliciting at small town convenience stores. I want my gift to show how much I care, and everyone knows you have to go to the big city for quality hookers. I just can't afford that right now.

So it's back to the drawing board. Hopefully I'll be able to think of something soon. For ten years, MM has been a pretty damn good husband, inept gifts and all. I'd like to celebrate that. Twenty dollar convenience store hookers and beer just doesn't seem like enough, somehow.

* A pillow. A pillow is what you find at midnight at Wal-Mart the day before Mother's Day. He didn't even take it out of the plastic wrapping. And he woke me up at two in the morning to give it to me. I woke up clutching a plastic wrapped pillow the next day. I could have suffocated.

1 comment:

sixgables said...

I often go with "Your children are still alive and I'm still here. Happy Anniversary."