Thursday, September 25, 2008

Wah wah wah WAH wah wah

I talk. A lot. And I've noticed that my closest friends don't. So you don't get the wrong idea, they do talk back - our conversations aren't (completely) one sided. But my friends are generally content to let me prattle on relentlessly. They respond, they ask pointed and intelligent questions, they reign me in when needed, and they talk me down from the ledge when I'm ready to jump. But I have to say I seem to do most of the talking. Obviously there's a certain type of person that is in some way entertained by my personality, and luckily, I've found all three of them.

I was thinking about this last night after a nearly two hour phone conversation. I was exhausted, I had only slept about three hours the night before. I was all hopped up on caffeine and sugar and feeling more than a little jittery. What was meant to be a quick check in to confirm some dates with a friend turned into a marathon. And it was great. Well, it was great for me, anyway. She said she enjoyed it...I'm sure she could she not have? I would have noticed. Hmmmm.

But anyway, one of the things we discussed was how much we enjoy catching up, and how there are other people who we don't enjoy chatting with nearly as much. I had a phone conversation with someone a few months ago and I couldn't get a word in anywhere. I was bored out of my mind by what she was saying, and the little voice in my head was alternating between "When will she stop???" and "When does it get to be MY turn to talk???" and "Oh my THIS what I sound like???"

That's a big fear of mine - I know I ramble, I know I repeat myself (especially when I'm upset), but am I boring? What are people thinking when I'm talking? Are they mentally choosing what color to paint their ceiling? Composing a shopping list? Wishing I'd just shut up and go away? Or just hoping to get a chance to say something at some point?

I hope I always give people time to say what they want. I want to exchange ideas, not cram mine down someone's throat. I love hearing what other people think. I love gathering ideas and information and getting different points of view. Sharing thoughts with other people makes my day. I hope when I'm going on and on about something I'm not monopolizing the conversation. I want for people to get something out of what I'm saying, even if it's just a smile, a laugh, a little entertainment. I'm sure they're laughing with me, right?

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Hunkered like a meth-crazed badger

I had a disappointing Carl Hiaasen experience the other day. I saw he had a new book out called The Downhill Lie and I scooped it out without really looking at it. It's Carl Hiassen; there's never been a need to know what the book was about, the man is flippin' hilarious. As it turned out, the book was not fiction. It is not only non-fiction, but it is about golf. Now, the golf part I was expecting - the tee on the cover did give that much away. But I was expecting a wildly amusing tale taking place somewhere in Florida, loosely based on the game of golf. I was not expecting a book about returning to the game after a 30+ year hiatus.

I decided to give it a go anyway, and I was rewarded with the following quote: "Richard Nixon was hunkered like a meth-crazed badger in the White House, Hank Aaron was one dinger shy of Babe Ruth’s all-time home run record, and The Who had just released Quadrophenia.” Believe you me, I will be working 'hunkered like a meth-crazed badger' into conversation as often as I can from here on out. I'm not sure about anybody else, but the visual I got from that made my whole day.

I love odd wording, surprising phrasing, funny quotes. I love reading authors that make me giggle and I want to read to be entertained. I want an engrossing story, I want to be drawn in - I want to be completely invested in the characters and what happens next. I don't want to study what I'm reading, I don't want to analyze it. I want to have a good time. I know that's shallow and very unintellectual of me, but it's probably why I also enjoy such a variety of writing. It's probably also why I can't remember the plot of a book I read last week, and why I tend to re-read the same books not realizing until half-way through that I've already read them.

But anyway, my point is this: I've been thinking about changing my major to English. I was originally going for something in the medical field and was almost done with my pre-reqs when we realized we were going to be moving. I decided it was too hard to do something like that if we were going to move around more, so I thought I'd change to something I could finish online. It also solves my homeschooling problems - it's hard to homeschool when you yourself are going to school full-time. But an English degree I could do from home on a part-time basis. And English classes have always been somewhat easy for me. I enjoy writing, I love reading. Being an English major isn't completely useless, right?

My concern is that my love of reading and writing is too superficial to handle pursuing this line of education. My friend M commented that I didn't read for academic reasons, and it gave me pause. We had been discussing this subject and I freely admit to reading like some people watch tv, but I hadn't really thought of my reading in those terms before.

So again, I'm feeling anxious and directionless. I really haven't decided what I want to be when I grow up, and at 35 I feel like I should have a better idea. I thought I had it before, but the move kind of screwed things up. I know if it were really my passion it wouldn't matter and I'd find a way to do it anyway, but I'm totally ok with a change so there you go. Guess I hadn't found my passion.

At this point, I feel like I want a degree in something, just to prove to myself I can finish it. I feel like I need to pick a major and stick to it, and pick one that moving around won't mess up. I guess for now I'll remain anxious and directionless, hunkered like a meth-crazed badger, until I figure it out. (Ha!)

If anybody has any suggestions, by all means speak up.

Saturday, September 6, 2008


We're going to be living in a 5th Wheel in the parking lot of a Walmart. I think that's the only solution to housing in our new area.

I spent yesterday exploring our new town. Well, the town my husband will be working in, anyway. It's smallish, but one of the bigger towns in the area. The nearest town with more than 100,000 people is more than 100 miles away. Because of the current oil boom, things are, well, booming. And just like when the housing market was exploding, prices are up and there's not much to choose from. Complicating matters more is the fact that we keep hearing that this town isn't the safest. And we have a 70 pound dog.


We want an affordable, safe, dog friendly place to rent. I say rent because we're hoping we won't be there too long. So we're leaving our beautiful, big, CHEAP, dog friendly house and moving to who knows what. We can't afford the gas to stay where we are and drive 100 miles one way, five days a week to work. We love our house, the area we're in is great, and my friend lives right around the corner. And there seems to be next to nothing in our price range in our new area.


We've thought that we could buy a 5th wheel and live in an RV park. But the RV parks are either full, expensive, or bare gravel lots in shady neighborhoods. And I don't mean shady in the good sense - full of pretty trees that provide shade. I mean shady as in creepy. Creepy, sketchy, lock your doors, bar the windows, Katie get your gun shady.

The good news is that there are several small towns near by that we haven't looked at yet. There is still hope. But should that search turn out fruitless, it's the Walmart parking lot for us. My mother suggested we try living IN Walmart like Natalie Portman's character in that movie years ago. These days Walmarts never close, so I'm afraid the employees would notice us camping in the outdoors department. But hey, with the lack of proper customer service I've experienced lately at Walmart, maybe I'm over thinking that.