Sunday, January 18, 2009

Feeling Sorry For Myself

Yesterday was really, really rough for me. Having to spend my 10th anniversary alone ended up being really depressing, which kind of took me by surprise. We knew MM would be gone, we celebrated early, I really didn't feel like it would be a big deal. But when I actually woke up alone, spent the day alone, went to bed alone - it sucked. I sat around trying to entertain myself, trying to cheer myself up, but mostly just ended up feeling pretty crappy. Bleh.

I guess because I have always felt that 10 years of marriage was a pretty big deal in this day and age, it really hit me hard to not be doing something special. We had all these plans for renewing our vows, going on a big trip, something awesome and fun. And you know how it is - sometimes those things just can't happen when you would like them to. I know we'll make up for it at some point, but that didn't make yesterday any easier for me.

And unfortunately, once I get in those moods, I sit around and sulk about all the things I'm unhappy about. I'm tired of being broke, I'm tired of this house, tired of myself, tired of this town (oh my my, oh hell yes, honey put on that party dress --- oops, sorry, my Tom Petty got away from me).

I had a great long, long talk with M1 last night, and that really helped. It was good to talk things out and whine and complain. It also helped me remember that I really do have a great life, and I'm really thankful for all the wonderful parts of it. There really is more good than bad. 2007 and 2008 were filled with mistakes and heartache and unhappiness, but they were also filled with joy and love and friends and family.

So today I am determined to shake off my melancholy and move on. I'm going to eat healthy foods, enjoy good coffee, exercise, and take care of myself today. The house is in order, I've got errands to run, and I may even take BW to a movie at the drive-in tonight. I'm off now to listen to good music, put away the last load of laundry, unload the dishwasher, and to cheer the hell up.

I'll leave you with a video that made me giggle this morning....His little shimmy just cracked me up.


Zayna said...

Big Hugs.

Ten years is a big deal and it's understandable you feel the loss.

Glad though you can keep a sense of humour about it. Often the only thing that keeps me and Hubby going (15 years married this year) is our ability to laugh. With and at each other.

Oh, I love that guy! Can't remember his name for the life of me. Son showed me one of his videos on YouTube and I was hooked. He's brilliant.

I hope you feel better soon.

lisafer said...

Thank you! I had a much better day today, and I feel loads better!

Isn't he great? His name is Tim Minchin.

Kaaren said...

Happy 10th! Sorry you could not spend it together.

The singer/comedian is a riot. I love people that are great with words.