Wednesday, August 26, 2009

That's What She Said*

We're watching the news. Our guy is doing a report on local "massage" parlors. He says, "Local businesses are saying these places are really a front for prostitution. Police are cracking down on the massage parlors that are trying to pull this off."


Thank you, Ron Hoon, for saying 'pull this off' in reference to prostitution. With a straight face, no less. You've made my morning.


*Yes, I know I've used this title before. It's early, couldn't think of a better one.

Monday, August 24, 2009

What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas

But, apparently only if it's not contagious.

My girlfriend C took me to Vegas for the weekend to celebrate my birthday. I came home with pink eye. PINK EYE. It's madness. MADNESS, I SAY!

The good news is I had a doctor's appointment anyway, so no extra trip for antibiotic eye drops. More good news is I got to stay home from work, because apparently pink eye = OH MY GOD, DON'T COME HERE WITH YOUR GOOPY EYE AND INFECT THE REST OF US!!!!!

I needed a day to recover, anyway. It all worked out nicely.

But back to my weekend. It was so much fun! We had free nights at one of the hotels on the strip, and I brought just a little spending money. I won enough that I was able to gamble all day long Saturday, plus a few hours Friday night and a few more Sunday afternoon. I came home with a tiny bit of money and didn't spend more than I planned. A successful trip to Vegas, in my book.

We had a great time together, as we always do. We laughed, drank, gambled, wandered, ate, and laughed some more. We were going to get matching tattoos, but we couldn't decide on one we liked. I was trying to sell her on a unicorn and a rainbow with BFF written under it, but C was having none of it. And then there's the issue of having three BFF's and not wanting to leave anyone out. Yeah, I'm thoughtful like that.

I drank more than I ever drink. Ever. I had something like five Bloody Mary's. In 12 hours. I know, I know. I'm wild and crazy like that.

Anyway, my birthday is this week, and I have to work. I'm not even really looking forward to it this year. I'm so wrapped up in the fact that I have to start school today, I'm working full-time, and I'm feeling pretty blah about everything.

I'm in a funk, and I'm working on getting out of it. In the mean time, though, I'm crabby and lethargic, and vitamin D deficient. Which probably doesn't have anything to do with it, but I just found that out this morning and thought I'd share. You're welcome. :)

I'll leave you with The Remedy (I Won't Worry). My obsession with Jason Mraz is becoming unhealthy, but I'll address that later. In the meantime, I'm trying to figure out how to break it to MM that I'm leaving him for Jason, his adorable facial expressions, dorky dance moves and vast collection of hats. This song is about his friend's cancer.

For now, sing it with me, folks: I, I won't worry my life away.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Mission Accomplished

My splinter's out! I still don't know what exactly it was, they had to send it to the lab. Sounds kind of ominous, doesn't it?

My nurse was hilarious. Turns out he teaches clinicals for the school I may or may not ever attend. Everyone there was really nice, and the whole thing went very smoothly. There was an one odd conversation, as I was being wheeled into to surgery:

RN: So. The anesthesiologist is going to give you the same thing Michael Tyson used to knock you out.

Me: He's going to PUNCH me in the FACE??

RN: What? OH!!! No! I meant JACKSON. He's going to give you what Michael JACKSON used.

Me: Ohhhh. Whew! Well, just don't leave me unattended then.

RN: Wouldn't think of it.

So, other than that, the fact that I'm on crutches for a week, and that it took four stitches* rather than the one I was led to believe it would take, all is well. It's just starting to get a little sore, 24 hours later. Hopefully it won't be too bad. I can't imagine it will.

I'm off to down some homemade soup and percocet. It's gonna be a fine, fine weekend.


*Does this mean it's going to cost me four times as much for the surgery?

Friday, August 7, 2009

It's Friday!


I'm looking forward to a couple days off, though they'll be busy. Tomorrow, we head up north to visit my nephews.* Sunday, I have an afternoon planned with a friend. Both will be enjoyed from the driver's seat of my mother's car, which she so kindly left in her garage for my use.**

Next Friday I have to have surgery - real, actual, complete with anesthesia surgery. For a splinter. Yes, a splinter. This splinter of something has been stuck in my foot since, I don't know, sometime in March I think. March! I know!

I kept expecting it to work itself out of there. Because that's what splinters generally do, right? About three or so months later, I decided to take action.

See? It may take me a while, but eventually I clue in when things don't happen the way they should.

So after a doctor's visit, an ultrasound, and a consultation with a surgeon I finally have a date scheduled with some drugs and a scalpel. I'm sure good time will be had by all.

The only thing is, now I feel all this pressure to have knee surgery. I was in an accident when I was 15 and have had to have some knee surgery over the years. The last few months, my knee has been making this icky grinding noise when ever I go up stairs.

Deductibles being what they are, I'm thinking I should maybe take care of this situation this year, rather than next. So, I don't know. Surgery is probably rather pointless until I lose some more weight. Something else to think about, I guess. But the grinding! Gah!! It's setting my teeth on edge. I'm fairly certain joints are not supposed to make that kind of noise. Although, I am going to be a year older next month, so who knows.

OK, off to get ice cream with BW. Good night, y'all!


*My BIL won back custody of his boys, so BW's cousins will be living just a few hours away from us again. We're all pretty happy about it. I'm glad BW will have them in his life again. He misses my family in Texas, as rarely as he saw them, and he's thrilled the boys are going to be close.

**My mother generously leaves her car for me to drive when she goes out of town. It's significantly nicer than mine, and a nice treat to drive. Thanks, Momma!

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Mullet With Headlights

I have to thank Kaaren at Once More With Feeling for this. She had this video up on her blog and I almost wet my pants I was laughing so hard.

These are Literal Videos - songs with the lyrics rewritten about what's literally happening in the video. Some are stupid, but these two cracked us up. MM and I must have watched Total Eclipse of the Heart ten times in the last few days.


And So It Begins...

Today is the first. My birthday is this month.* Many years ago, I designated this month "The Month of Lisa".**

It's been slow catching on, but I have high hopes this time around.***


*26 more shopping days, my friends.

**This is all tongue in cheek, of course. Nobody makes a big deal about my birthday but me. And, other than claiming an entire month for the celebration of me, I really don't make a big deal of it. ;)

***As soon as I achieve my goal of being Queen/Dictator of a small island nation (preferably tropical), I'm sure it'll be all the rage. I try to make MM prepare by addressing me by my future title, but he ruins the effect by shortening it. Her Royal Heiny just doesn't have the same ring to it, ya know?