Wednesday, December 31, 2008
We don't want to fire you all and leave you starving and homeless, selling drugs and sex to get by, but if we have to we promise you'll be the first people we hire back. Or, at the very least, when those of us in charge are working diligently to drum up more business (or, ahem, having our wild and crazy company parties), we'll totally get all our prostitutes and cocaine from you instead of that Houston street gang that we usually score our dope and ho's from.They may not have actually said anything about selling sex or drugs, but hey, I can read between the lines.
So after I went and offended the Catholics, some random cross bearing stranger, and probably Jesus, MM's employer delivered a thinly veiled threat. Coincidence? I think not.
We are so very screwed.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
All I could think was, who does this? Where was he going? Did he make it at home and need to deliver it somewhere? Does he run some sort of crucifix delivery program? Door to door giant wooden cross salesman? It was an unusually warm day out, did he think he'd get some exercise, enjoy the sun, take the cross for a walk? Maybe he was starting a mobile church? He didn't seem like he was trying to accomplish anything with it, other than maybe transporting it from one area to another. He certainly didn't appear unhappy or worried, so I'm guessing he wasn't preparing for his own crucifixion.
It reminded me of a sign we saw the other day, something about a drive-through at a Catholic church. I can't remember the details, but I seem to remember it was some sort of confessional type thing. We instantly tried to create some sort of catchy signage for them:
Penance and a Latte - for the Catholic on the go!
I tried to Google it, but "drive through confessions" just brought up a lot of links about people feeling guilty about their crappy fast food choices. There were also some people confessing their guilt to attempting to KILL US ALL by texting behind the wheel. As we speak, people may now be feeling forgiven for attempted vehicular manslaughter because they swung through the drive-through and confessed while waiting for a half-caf soy mocha latte. Great. Just great.
No good will come of this, my friends. No good at all.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Sunday, December 28, 2008
You're The Poisonwood Bible!
by Barbara Kingsolver
Deeply rooted in a religious background, you have since become both
isolated and schizophrenic. You were naively sure that your actions would help people,
but of course they were resistant to your message and ultimately disaster ensued. Since
you can see so many sides of the same issue, you are both wise beyond your years and
tied to worthless perspectives. If you were a type of waffle, it would be
Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.
The funny thing is, I just finished this a few weeks ago. And I have to say, I'm a bit scared by my little quiz's findings....Schizophrenia, naively sure my actions would help people, worthless perspectives, if I were a waffle I'd be Belgian??? I think I want a do over.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Phone: Ring, ring
Voice: Hi, this is (insert random realtor) from (insert realty company). (Insert another random realtor) would like to come show your house today. They came to one of the open houses a few months ago and would like a second look. Would 2:30 or 3:00 be OK?
Me (in totally fake happy voice that I learned working for Mattel and Amex): Sure!!! Three would be PERFECT!!
Voice: Great! I'll let him know!
So as MM, BW, and I are running around like recently beheaded chickens, M2 and the girls came over. Because, oh yeah, they had called right before the realtor and were on the way to our house. I offered them an out, because I would never ask someone to help me clean my house. It was phrased something like this: "You totally don't have to stay and help clean my house, but ohmygod I need you, pleasepleaseplease stay and help me!!!!"
So with MM, BW, myself, M2 and both her girls all pitching in, our house was presentable in time for a showing. It wasn't perfect, but it was good enough. I hope. Think good thoughts for us.
Until we hear whether or not they're interested, I'll spend my time wondering if the universe was telling me I'd better get my act together and keep the house presentable (in all fairness, the ONLY time we've had people look at our house is during our scheduled open houses), or if it was reminding me that I have some pretty awesome people in my life. Probably both. But I gotta say, anyone who comes for a visit and ends up cleaning your house instead is a keeper. That and the fact that I'm a little afraid of her now because her cousin's husband has mob connections and she could totally arrange for me to sleep with the fishes. Or wear cement boots. Or get iced. Or whatever the current mob vernacular is. So, y'know, friends for life....
MM really doesn't care about living green. He wants to be comfortable and have all his toys. If he can do that in an energy efficient way, he will, but I'm going to have to be the one that seeks out the alternatives and gets everything set up. So when I told him I wanted to live in a tipi while we build a straw and mud house, his response was to roll his eyes and laugh.
Me: When we sell our house, we should buy a few acres and live in a tipi while we build a house out of mud!!!
Me: It will be great!!! We'll make these bricks out of mud and straw and put them together like Legos! BW and I play with Legos all the time! We could totally do it! How hard could it be??
MM: snort, eyes roll
Me: It's pretty windy here....Do you think our tipi would blow over?
MM: Umm, yeah.
Me: Promise me now you won't laugh when the tipi blows over and I'm trapped inside! Promise me you'll save me when I'm rolling around in giant circles through the fields!! PROMISE ME!!!!
I'm thinking the tipi idea isn't going to happen. Maybe a yurt?
Thursday, December 25, 2008
We woke up early (very early) this morning to the smell of...well...they sure weren't piles of Christmas cheer. If that's what Santa left for me, I must have been a very. bad. girl.
Wishing you all a happy Christmas, a belated wonderful Solstice or Hanukkah, or early Kwanzaa or Boxing Day joy to you and yours. Whatever it is you celebrate, best wishes, everyone!
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Daisy is above, with her pretty pink collar. She's a great dog. We've never been able to figure out what breed(s) she is, but whatever the mix, it's pure awesomeness. No problems at all, doesn't bark obnoxiously, totally mellow, takes her meds every day without being difficult. She has some health problems - she has seizures and our vet can't figure out why. The drugs seem to fix it though, so she's OK. We love, love, love her. She's probably the best dog we've ever had.
This darling girl is Eva. She seems to be some sort of yellow lab/shepherd mix. We think she's about six or eight months old. She's nearly as big as Daisy is, and she's got big ol' feet. I imagine she's going to be a big girl when she grows into them. So far, she's sweet as can be. She's still a puppy, so we're going to have to watch what we leave sitting around. (She's already helped herself to a sock and a Webkinz, the little sneak.) Her full name is Christmas Eve, since she joined our family just today. We think she's going to be a lovely addition to our family.
Looks like we got a family Christmas gift after all.
Unfortunately, bacon is so not anywhere close to my goal of eating no animal products. Which, by the way, has been totally derailed by MM's company giving him not one, not two, but FOUR hams. Four. Two of which were larger than BW. I have come to the conclusion that MM's company is trying to kill us with salty, fatty animal products. Maybe it's their solution to culling their workforce? Kill employees off by undermining their goals to eat healthier? Because my willpower is nothing in the face of giant hams. Or would that be 'in the butt of giant hams'? That just sounds kind of gross....I'm not sure what part of the pig a ham is. Is there a specific part? What makes one part of the pig a pork chop, one part bacon, and one part ham? And should I really be eating it, if I can't determine where it comes from? Maybe that should be my dietary goal: don't eat it if you're not 100% sure where it came from. Since I know next to nothing about animal butchering, it would solve my avoiding most animal products, and the whole 'other natural flavors' delimna. Hmmm....
Last night was M2's 40th birthday. I celebrated it by calling her a snob. After she fed me this lovely almond lemon thing her hubby made for her birthday. I know, what's wrong with me, right?? But she totally had it coming. (Sorry, M, you know it's true.)
We have this long running, I don't know, not joke really, but conversation about how what makes us laugh is just totally different. I find silly, stupid things hilarious. She's a little more, umm, shall we say, particular. (I totally don't know whether to end that sentence with a period or a question mark. And yes, I homeschool. That's what grammar guides are for. I'm not perfect. Don't judge me.)
I love all these goofy TV shows and movies that she thinks are completely stupid. So our conversations was as follows:
M2: I saw some show you were talking about on Netflix the other day.
Me: Which one?
M2: I can't remember...one you'd recently mentioned.
Me: Was it 'How Stuff Works'?
M2: No. It wasn't anything worthwhile.
That's when I called her a snob. In my defense, I swear she wrinkled up her nose in disgust when she said my show wasn't worthwhile. Because that's what she thinks of a lot of what I watch. In her defense, my TV preferences really are the audio/visual equivalent of bacon. (Goofy TV = amusing, but has no substance, bacon = yummy, but has no nutritional value. Just in case you weren't clear on that.) She explained that what she really meant was it wasn't educational. Which I'm sure is true, it more than likely wasn't. Although I believe I am responsible for turning her on to Living With Ed. So see, not everything I watch is crap.
The whole thing just made me laugh. We are so different on so many levels. But yet, we still managed to click. Maybe because we're both transplants to this area and don't really fit in. Or because we both homeschool. Or because she has many qualities I admire, or because she's partly the 'me' I want to be when I grow up. I'm still not entirely sure what she gets out of the relationship. I'd like to think I make her smile, that I get her to be goofy with me every once in a while. Goofy is fun. You laugh a lot more when you're easily amused.
Anyway, happy birthday, M2! Thanks for being my friend.
Monday, December 22, 2008
We told BW there would be no gifts, but, as I mentioned, we bought a few things for a surprise stocking. I found some Webkinz on sale, and bought a few books and some candy for BW to find come Christmas morning.
I had my suspicions that he'd found my stash. He kept asking what I was getting for the child we're giving our Christmas too, asking if I was going to give someone else Webkinz, asking if I was sure I wasn't getting him a little something for Christmas. He even asked what was in the bag on the top shelf of my closet.
Today, he admitted the truth. He'd known since last week. He wasn't sure it was for him, but he figured it was. We had a conversation about lying, about going through things that weren't his, about not having anything to open on Christmas day. I was more disappointed that my surprise was ruined, that I didn't get to see BW receive his unexpected gifts, than I was that he found his presents. But it's a little hard to be upset when I did basically the same thing as a child. Although it did cross my mind to torture him by buying some Muppet toys for him to open on Thursday - he's still oddly frightened of The Muppets. But that would be mean, right?
So, Christmas came early at our house this year. What can you do?
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Then he says that he didn't think it was a big deal, since I just looked up my ex-boyfriend. 'Eh? I had no idea what he was talking about, so he clarified it with, "You know, that guy you just found!" Oh well, yeah, of course. That helps.
Finally it dawned on me who he meant....I have been looking for a friend I'd know from 5th grade all through high school. I lost touch with her about seven years ago. I never had any luck with google, facebook, myspace, etc. It finally occurred to me to try her younger brother. I struck gold on facebook, and we chatted long enough to determine that he was who I thought he was, I gave him my info to pass along to his sister, got her email address from him, and that was the extant of our connection.
As it was happening, I told all this (in minute detail) to MM. I even reminded him who the friend was, since she was at our wedding. And from all that talking, he ends up with me connecting with an ex-boyfriend. I think the only thing he took away from the conversation that was actually factual was that I chatted with a male.
The funny thing is, we aren't jealous people. I couldn't care less who he talks to, and the same is true for him. We are secure in our relationship, we don't worry about the other one straying. All this time, he honestly thought I was chatting with an ex, and he didn't even bat an eye. Didn't even ask me about it again.
And the dreams he was having...no, they weren't those kind of dreams.
I read a headline today that said "The Smiths give away 1.3 millions dollars to charity" and all I could think was...really? The Smiths are still together??? AND they have that much money to donate to charity???
So yeah, turns out it was Will and Jada, not Morrissey. There are more current Smiths that my mind should jump to when I read those types of headlines. No, I am not stuck in the past. I'm not.
And I believe that the song I linked to wasn't even technically The Smiths, but something Morrissey did solo after they broke up. What can I say? Hopefully there aren't any angry Morrissey fans out there, all offended by my blogging. And being as how this is a newish blog, with not so many readers, I'm hoping I'm safe. What are the chances, right?
In other news, I got all my stuff shipped out yesterday that needed to go. I think I spent more on shipping than I did on the actual contents of the boxes. They asked if I wanted to insure for more than the $100 that comes with them automatically. Heh...sorry, most of it was homemade goodies and really great sale items. I'm not sure the contents of all the boxes combined were worth $100, let alone $100 each. But anyway, packages were shipped and should be arriving early next week at their intended destinations. Yay! Your birthday present is on its way, mom!
I did decide to do a stocking for BW this year. I had to go to Dillard's yesterday with M2 and they had Webkinz for 40% off. BW is addicted to the little suckers. BW was at his tumbling and trampoline class, so I bought a few on the sly. He has no idea he'll be getting a stocking, so he'll be pretty happy. It took every ounce of willpower I had not to just give them to him last night. I'm no good with surprises. I get so excited I want to share them immediately. I love giving gifts. It's something I need to work on, I tend to splurge a little too much with BW. Wouldn't want him to end up a spoiled brat like his mama, now would we?
I'm going back and reading what I've written, and I'm having this problem. You know how if you say a word over and over again, it starts to sound like maybe it's not a word? I do that with phrases. Things pop into my mind and I write them or say them out loud, but then I begin to think that they're not correct. Like "in other news" - that's a phrase people actually say, right? Because it doesn't sound right to me. So then, if it's not a phrase, do I leave it in and have people think me strange? Or do I take it out, because I'm unsure and want to appear normal? I spend a lot of time worrying about things like this. And, at 35, should I be having these types of memory problems? What will my mind be like at 45? I'm really worried about this.....
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
We're also going to bake a ton of cookies and deliver those to both the group home and also the Ronald McDonald House in Lubbock. We were going to do gifts for the kids on the pediatric ward of a local hospital, but BW couldn't do it with us, he was too young to be on the floor. Instead, I've decided to donate all the baby things I have to them, rather than trying to sell them. I figure they will be better used, and also, since BW was a preemie and in NICU for two weeks before we could bring him home, I have a soft spot sick kids and their families.
It doesn't even look like Christmas in our home. I haven't decorated at all, and quite frankly, it's a relief. I hate decorating. I know, I know, bah humbug, right? Seriously, I have a hard enough time keeping my house clean. There's no need to add to the mess with unpacking boxes and boxes of things that suck electricity and are out for a month (OK, two months), and then having to spend the time packing it all back up again. I love the holidays, I love the lights and decorations, don't get me wrong. What I don't love is the work involved, the mess, and the higher electric bills. We have been enjoying everyone else's work, instead. I'd like to take this time to thank the (decidedly small) handful of people in our neighborhood who have bothered to put up lights this year: Thanks, neighbors! Your homes look lovely!
So this year is going to be waaaayyyyy off, holiday wise. We've never not decorated - it's strangely freeing. We've never not bought each other tons of gifts. I've still bought gifts for a few people in our lives. I have some that need to be shipped out here tomorrow and then I'll be through with that. I'm going to spend the rest of this week deciding on what kinds of cookies to make and find some easy snack type things for us to eat on Christmas day. We still have to pick our gifts for the children we're buying for, and we'll do that as a family one evening this week.
All in all, I think we're pretty satisfied with how our Christmas is going. It's too early to call it a success, but it's looking promising.
Friday, December 12, 2008
In spite of my singing, we had a nice day out. We did the science museum and lunch, I got my van detailed to get the gross smell of cigarette smoke out of it (yes, MM is trying to kill us with second hand smoke, thank you very much), and we went to M2's oldest's high school production of A Christmas Carol. The play was really fun, BW really enjoyed it. He sat through two hours of it, which is pretty impressive. My only complaint would be the seating.
35 year old butts are not meant for wooden high school auditorium chairs. I'm sure no one over 18 can possibly sit in them without severe numbness and pain. I think those chairs are strategically designed to keep the kiddos awake during all those boring ass assemblies and hours of standardized testing.
I just re-read what I wrote. I now have this picture of a factory for assembling boring asses and then testing them (in a standardized way) running through my mind, but I'm too tired to fully pursue it. If you'll just imagine Laverne and Shirley's beer factory, minus the beer, plus assorted body parts, you can probably flesh it out on your own. (Excuse the bad pun, it's late and everything is so much funnier when I'm tired.)
Thursday, December 11, 2008
MM got word from his boss that there will be some re-structuring. Several people were told that they could go back to working on one of the oil rigs or resign. Luckily, MM was not one of them. Not that he would mind going back to a rig - he really did like it for the most part, but it was a dangerous job and the closer he gets to 40 the more ready he is to do something a little less physically demanding. In this economy, a good paying job isn't the easiest thing to find. Right now he'd probably take anything they offered, just to keep working.
But, as I said, luckily he doesn't have to go back to the rig. He was told today that he's going to be working both the area he's at now (about 100 miles from us) and our area. He'll be going back and forth between the two, and working out at the rigs helping out with safety inspections and drug testing as well. He'll also have a company truck to drive when he has to go to the other locations or out to the rigs.
This really, really makes our life a lot easier. For one, even though gas prices have eased quite a bit, he was driving over 1000 miles a week back and forth to work. That's a pretty long commute. It was getting to a point where I was going to have to become a hooker or a thief just to pay for gas. (Just trying to contribute, y'know.) The second problem is we have one vehicle that is really reliable and gets good gas mileage, a big old truck that runs well but gets awful mileage, and a motorcycle that MM only drives in warm weather, and only recreationally, at that. The truck needs to have the passenger seat belt repaired, so I can't drive that around with BW. I don't drive the motorcycle, it's not really my thing. I'm not even sure my husband would let me, since it's his baby. What this all means is that MM has been driving my vehicle each day, and BW and I have been left car less. Which has been fine, temporarily. M2 has been lending me her car or running me around when I need it, thankfully. And it's not like we had to go places often, you can usually plan around not having a car during certain hours. It was inconvenient, but not too terrible.
But with the new situation MM still has a job, he'll be home earlier a few days a week, he'll have to drive less than 10 miles round trip rather than 200 a few days a week, and he can use his motorcycle or the truck when he's here in town. My honor will be saved as I won't have to live a life of crime to pay for gas. (I can safely go back to trading sex for housework, as per our usual arrangement.) And I'll have a car to drive. With seat belts, no less!
Of course, we're pretty much waiting for the other shoe to drop. MM was lucky this time, but who knows what things will be like in a few more months. We're still going to try to sell our house and buy something cheaper, but we'll stay in our same area. Hopefully we'll be able to do that and pay off some debts in the next few months. We're grateful we are where we're at now, but we hope to be in an even better place this time next year. Hopefully without resorting to the seedy underworld of prostitution in the interim.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
There is one nice thing about being sick, though. MM rarely if ever calls in for work, so he freaks out if I'm ill. Yes, you read that right, it's a nice thing when he freaks out. Tonight, he called me and asked if I needed anything before he got home, ran to the store for me, and then popped his head in long enough to toss a box of saltines on the bed from the doorway. I use my cell phone to call the house phone for everything I need, and he spends the night on the couch so as not to catch my plague. I get the glorious king sized bed all to myself so all my stuff can be spread out around me. I don't have to fight for pillows and blankets, and I can read all night since I slept all day. It's pretty damned nice. If only there wasn't the sickness involved, it'd be like a vacation.
The fact that MM will barely enter the room and will definitely not sleep or sit near me when I'm sick has been reminding me of a book I read over the summer, The Year of Living Biblically. If you haven't read this one yet, I highly recommend it, it's hilarious. The author spends a year trying to follow the bible as literally as possible. IN NYC. Complete with stoning adulterers. There's a bit in the bible about not sitting on the same seat that a menstruating woman has sat on. His wife loves this, as you'd imagine. To show her annoyance, she sits on every possible seat in the apartment, forcing him to buy this cane/stool contraption so he won't have to stand up all the time at home. The stool also helps with the subway and other public places. It's not exactly polite to ask strangers about their cycle, and would possibly be dangerous in NYC. Not quite the same thing as avoiding germs obviously, but MM's zest in avoiding me rang a bell today.
I've been spending the down time today trying to read The Three Musketeers. I read The Count of Monte Cristo and loved it, but I'm not having the same experience with this one. I'm nearly 100 pages in, and already this little upstart has pretty much challenged every person he's encountered to a duel. People were apparently very violent in the 1800's. What's with that? I swear, the book is today's equivalent of a Rambo or Terminator movie. I wonder if mothers stopped their children from reading it back when it was first published? Did they worry the kiddies would be out there trying to duel everyone that crossed their path?
Unfortunately, I don't think I have the patience to get through it today, so I've been alternating between that and the latest Vince Flynn book, Extreme Measures. I just love his writing. It's entertaining and fast to read. I started it around two this afternoon, and between Musketeers, napping, showering (up to three already today) and puking my guts out, I'm over half way done. It's a good story, and these types of books really grab me. I just finished the latest Clive Cussler yesterday, and between the two of those authors, I could do nothing but read all day long. I wonder if I could find a paying job in that somewhere?
OK, sorry, I didn't mean to turn this into a book club. I guess I've been reading a lot lately. Having an excuse to take an easy today was really pretty groovy. My body needed a break, and BW especially enjoyed playing video games most of the morning. I was feeling well enough for us to do some math, science, and some of his reading, but that was about it. Though it sounds like enough when I write it down. Anyway, here's hoping this will be a quick sickness and tomorrow I'll be back to my usually routine. You know how it is - more than one day in bed for mom and the house and family seem to turn on themselves. Soon the house will be a disaster and MM and BW will be attacking each other like feral badgers. I hate it when that happens.
Monday, December 8, 2008
The forecast says we can look forward to snow tomorrow, and BW can't wait. We get it infrequently enough here to be exciting for him. Our snow generally doesn't stick around long, which is just fine by me. I don't like the heat, but snow scares me. I'm a tropics or desert sort of girl - born in Hawaii and raised in Phoenix - so snow pretty much freaks me out. It looks nice from the inside, while sitting next to a roaring fire. It's not meant to be walked around in or driven through. I figure snow and ice is nature's way of saying, "Get the hell off the roads, you morons!!"
I do have to say this is one of the often unspoken benefits of home schooling - we rarely have to leave the house on days like these. No getting up before dark to wake up BW and get him off to school. No leaving the house in the middle of a snow storm to go pick him up. When it's a blustery day outside, we can choose to hunker down, start a fire, read books and watch Harry Potter movies all day long while drinking something hot. It's a beautiful thing.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
This irritates MM to no end. He wants to see things getting done He wants specifics. He's working hard all day, and it really bothers him to think we're at home sleeping late and goofing off all day long. It makes him jealous - he wants to stay home and sleep late and goof off, too, by golly. I understand where he's coming from and if our situations were reversed, I'd be unhappy. Probably more than unhappy. OK, I'll admit it, I'd be a raving maniac if I came home to a messy house and vague assurances that 'something' was done on the home schooling front.
In an effort to make MM a little more satisfied with being sole breadwinner, I wrote out a block schedule for BW and I to follow during the week. I scheduled in meal prep, home schooling, cleaning, group activity time and study time for myself once school starts again. We committed to following it for the next several weeks to see how it works out, and last week was week number one.
I am pleased to announce it worked out rather well. I have a problem with procrastinating and putting things off, and then becoming overwhelmed by the sheer amount of things that need to be accomplished. My laundry is forever piling up, clean but unfolded, on the couch. My dishes do the same (minus the clean and unfolded bit) in the kitchen sink. The clutter multiplies while I sleep, and I still haven't worked out a good system for filing my paperwork and bills. Last week, I vowed to change things.
The house was already relatively clean, and I managed to unpack and get everything put away from our trip the day after we got home. This is some sort of record for me, just so you know. I've been known to find things still packed when I pull out my suitcase for the next trip, months later. With BW's help, the kitchen was thoroughly cleaned, trash cans were emptied, bedrooms were cleaned, and toys were put away. We logged in two or three hours a day of 'school' stuff - reading, math, science, and Bravewriter activities. BW has been really into card games lately, so we borrowed a book of rules and began learning a few games. BW has even learned the rules to Gin Rummy, one of my personal favorites. I even made some phone calls and think I have pinned down what we might end up doing for Christmas (I'll post more on that when we decide for sure).
All in all, it was a successful week. I even managed to jot notes in my day planner so I can look back and see exactly what we did each day. I feel like we got a lot done, and it was done happily for the most part. There is something to being more organized, and as much as I kick and scream about doing it, I really like having a loose schedule to follow. Not that we'll follow it every day, but it gives us something to work towards. It will definitely help me keep on top of things once the semester starts again and I have all that to deal with too. Of course, I remember being all organized about this time last year, and that didn't stick, so maybe I'm being a little overly optimistic....
At any rate, here's hoping December proves to be a month filled with folded laundry, empty sinks, filed paperwork, picked up toys, and an abundance of educational joy. That will be MM's real Christmas gift! And as for me, well, there's always that island....
Thursday, December 4, 2008
My husband was recently propositioned at a New Mexico convenience store. He went in for a drink and some cigarettes and got a little more than he bargained for. Apparently, while waiting in line to pay, an older woman (think 50-ish crack whore) walked up behind him and told him she needed twenty dollars. He just kind of looked at her oddly, so she sweetens the deal by offering a menu of sexual options in exchange for said money. To which my flustered husband responds, "Um...I only have two bucks and I have to get home." He then called me and related the story, adding that he was just thankful she didn't offer to lower her price or something.
Yes, when my husband is approached by hookers, he uses his lack of cash as an excuse to decline their services. Rather than, say, "Hell no!!" or "I'm married and would never betray the love of my life!!" or something along else those lines. Of course, it's not like hookers are tripping over themselves to get to him. He's just not had enough practice, I guess. Maybe we should role play so he knows what to do in the future?
Edited to add: When MM called to tell me what happened, I was with M2 and all the kids. I was texting the story to her so the kids wouldn't hear it, and the t9 function on my cell phone could only give me 'puppy' instead of the word I was really looking for. I think that made me laugh more than anything, I kept picturing MM being offered a blow job or a puppy....
To wrap up the subject of propositions, I think a video is appropriate....