You Can't Always Get What You Want

Whenever I hear that song, I always sing it 'you can't always get a chihuahua' because that's what it sounds like to me during the choral singing part in the beginning. Is that just me?

So. More things changing here. Or not changing, to be more accurate. MM's job we were hoping he might get he still hasn't officially gotten. Although he's been working as a fill-in for them for about a month now. They're keeping him busy, but not paying well enough for me to head back to TX and finish school. Or for me to stay here and finish school. And him returning to the oil field just didn't pan out the way I thought it might.

I've nearly given up hope in finishing school as a nurse and/or rad tech/ultrasound tech. It's depressing on so many levels. I can't see that we're in a place financially where I can quit the job I have now and go back to being a f/t student. And I can't envision ever being in that place, which is the really suckish part.

I've come to realize that my desire to travel a ton and move from place to place isn't shared at all by my hubby. He's back home here in Phoenix, and is fairly unwilling to leave. My son is somewhat happily back in school (you know how that is, kind of depends on the day), which, again, kind of puts the kibosh on traveling a ton and moving around a lot. Not fair to do that to a brick and mortar schooled kid.

Apparently I'm the only one in our household unhappy with all this, so I'm kind of flailing around, figuring out what compromises I'm willing to make in the name of family.

I plan on taking one more course in hopes that maybe someday we can figure out a way for me to finish the degree I'd originally planned on - I know there has to be a way to work and go to school and clinicals and take care of my family and not go crazy while doing it, but, for the life of me, I cannot figure it out. I know it can be done, I've seen it. I just can't seem to make it work in my life.

I'm so tired of making plans that never actually pan out. I think my family is crushing my dreams out of me. Thank you, family.

What's funny, though? Is that I'm actually kind of OK with it all. Shit happens. Things don't turn out the way we want. Plans get put on hold. I can snuggle on the couch with MM and tell him he's ruining my life, and we laugh about it. It's kind of a joke, kind of not - and he knows this - but we're in a good place.

It's hard to be too unhappy with someone that buys you a birthday card on Christmas because Christmas cards just don't say just the right thing - that he loves you more than anything and that every day he's with you he loves you more. And that it's killing him that you're unhappy.

He's trying to make it up to me by being exceptionally sweet and thoughtful. And by doing all the housework and grocery shopping. It's sorta working.

So for now, I'm going to continue on with the company I'm currently working for, thankful that I have a job with them - they really are incredibly awesome to work for. And maybe I'll at last accept changing my major to something they'll pay for. English or History degree, anyone?

It does and doesn't help that I'm being lured in by their benefits. No more out of pocket costs for health care or school, no more student loans? It's really a hard to pass that up. My fear is that if I don't do it now, I'll never do it. It's like crack. Once you've sampled a little, it's a little hard to walk away. And they've already given me a raise. And a bonus. And I've got another of both coming in the next two months. The bastards.

I'm working to accept that my son and husband aren't on the same path I'm on - and that there's got to be a way for us to compromise and be happy. We just need to figure it out.

Merry Christmas

Christmas, Arizona Style

Hmmmm

I'm not sure what happened to my last blog post. It got eaten. Which is a little ominous.

Things are all up in the air here yet again. I'm not feeling much like blogging lately. In fact, I'm kind of thinking of killing the blog. I'm just not feeling it anymore. It is no longer seeming to fulfill a purpose for me. It's just one more thing I'm not getting accomplished as of late. One more thing that is not turning out at all like I had wanted it to.

I'm feeling a little bah humbug today, as you can see. :)

So, rather than prattle on about it, I'll wish you all a happy holiday and sign off. Hope the tail end of 2009 is wonderful to all of you!

Yep, Still Here!

I know, I know, it's been so long! All I can say is that come January, I'll be blogging more. I hope.

Once again, lots of changes are happening or about to happen here, but, I can't really talk about it just yet. I have to wait until all interested parties are notified, and then I'll update the blogosphere. Give me until after Christmas-ish.

Until then, let's just leave it at that for now. Though I guess I should say that the changes are good, and I'm really excited about them! Decisions have been made, and it feels great.

So, goodbye for now! I'll leave you to enjoy my lazy Sunday. Any day that doesn't require getting dressed and leaving the house is always a good one. :)

School

BW returned to public school today. We decided if he wants to try it, the sooner he starts the better.

It seemed to go well. He seemed pretty happy with the whole thing. His teacher seems nice. My only issue so far is an HOUR (or so) of homework in 3rd grade. Really? An hour? Seems a tad excessive to me, but this is all new to us so maybe it's not. I will say that I don't remember having that much homework in high school. But then, I wasn't exactly focused on my education in high school. I was focused on, ah, other things.

Anyway, he was happy and he had a good day. He wasn't stabbed, beaten up, bullied, and (to the best of my knowledge) was not getting high in the vacant lot across from the school at lunch. All in all, a successful first day in elementary school.

In the meantime, I am adjusting and making the best of this. MM and I got BW situated this morning and then walked a mile. I counted calories and ate healthy and vegetarian all day today. If BW is going to be in school maybe nursing school is back as an option, and I really want to get rid of this excess weight before my knees wage a bloody coup at their burden. Wish me luck.

Ugh.

So my homeschooled son wants to go back to school. To try it out for a year. And he's convinced he wants to start NOW.

I'm so unhappy about it, I can't even begin to tell you. But, I've always said that if he wanted to try it, he could, so we'll be registering ASAP. Even though Momma DOESN'T THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA.*

Our life has changed so much this year. I'm having a hard time keeping the faith that it will all work itself out. And I'm having a hard time not being petty and sending out "Congratulations! You've WON!" cards to everyone out there who said homeschooling wouldn't work. (Thanks for your support, everyone!) But those are more my issues then BW's, so I'm trying to let it go and be supportive of his new desire.

I kind of feel like there's not much I can do at this point. I don't want him to be resentful about never really getting to try school if it's something he thinks he'd like to do. I'm working full time, so I'm really not getting a lot of time to spend with him, and MM and him have begun clashing so much it's really not working out with MM trying to be the primary stay at home person.

And since homeschooling has always been my and BW's thing, and he's no longer on board, what can I do?

Ugh.

I feel like he's been told by so many people that he needs to be in a "real school" that he's been brainwashed. Am I bad person for hoping it goes horribly and we can get back to our regularly scheduled programming soon?**

*****

*And is making it pretty damn clear, in case there's any doubt.

**Kidding, kidding. Of course I don't hope it goes horribly. I don't want him to have a horrible experience. I just want him to get a better education then the crappy ones his father and I had. And if he can get that in public school, well, great. Right?

Vacation

I have a few days off this week, so we're heading down to Southern AZ. We plan on spending a day or two in Tucson, some time in Tombstone, maybe Bisbee. We're going to take a few days and explore Arizona's mining and western roots.

I'll be back with pictures in a few days! And THIS time I'm going to remember the memory card for my camera.