Thursday, September 25, 2008

Wah wah wah WAH wah wah

I talk. A lot. And I've noticed that my closest friends don't. So you don't get the wrong idea, they do talk back - our conversations aren't (completely) one sided. But my friends are generally content to let me prattle on relentlessly. They respond, they ask pointed and intelligent questions, they reign me in when needed, and they talk me down from the ledge when I'm ready to jump. But I have to say I seem to do most of the talking. Obviously there's a certain type of person that is in some way entertained by my personality, and luckily, I've found all three of them.

I was thinking about this last night after a nearly two hour phone conversation. I was exhausted, I had only slept about three hours the night before. I was all hopped up on caffeine and sugar and feeling more than a little jittery. What was meant to be a quick check in to confirm some dates with a friend turned into a marathon. And it was great. Well, it was great for me, anyway. She said she enjoyed it...I'm sure she could she not have? I would have noticed. Hmmmm.

But anyway, one of the things we discussed was how much we enjoy catching up, and how there are other people who we don't enjoy chatting with nearly as much. I had a phone conversation with someone a few months ago and I couldn't get a word in anywhere. I was bored out of my mind by what she was saying, and the little voice in my head was alternating between "When will she stop???" and "When does it get to be MY turn to talk???" and "Oh my THIS what I sound like???"

That's a big fear of mine - I know I ramble, I know I repeat myself (especially when I'm upset), but am I boring? What are people thinking when I'm talking? Are they mentally choosing what color to paint their ceiling? Composing a shopping list? Wishing I'd just shut up and go away? Or just hoping to get a chance to say something at some point?

I hope I always give people time to say what they want. I want to exchange ideas, not cram mine down someone's throat. I love hearing what other people think. I love gathering ideas and information and getting different points of view. Sharing thoughts with other people makes my day. I hope when I'm going on and on about something I'm not monopolizing the conversation. I want for people to get something out of what I'm saying, even if it's just a smile, a laugh, a little entertainment. I'm sure they're laughing with me, right?

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