Netflix Has Been Smoking Dope

I logged into Netflix today, checking out the recommended documentaries, since I've been on a docu-roll lately.

The first suggested . . .

Flow: For Love of Water (2008) - From both local and global perspectives, this documentary examines the harsh realities behind the mounting water crisis. Learn how politics, pollution and human rights are intertwined in this important issue that affects every being on Earth. With water drying up around the world and the future of human lives at stake, the film urges a call to arms before more of our most precious natural resource evaporates.

Why is This Recommended?

(Yes, Netflix, do tell.)

Harold and Maude

Apparently, because I gave Harold and Maude four stars.

Also recommended were Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room, The Wild Parrots of Telegraph Hill, and Born Into Brothels.

I can only conclude that Netflix is stoned again. However, if anyone sees some connection I'm missing, please, for the love of Pete, share it with me.

Chili and Hawaii

I've decided to make chili. Having never made it before, I picked up some things that sound like they should go in it - a few types of dried beans, some tomatoes, chili powder, onions, green bell peppers,* and ground buffalo. I figure I'll toss it all together and hope for the best. This is my preferred method of cooking. Usually it works out. Sometimes, not so much.

Now that I've addressed the chili, I'll move on to Hawaii. One of my bloggy friends - Vicki, from Where The Fuhkaui - has moved with her family to Hawaii. I'm burning with envy. BURNING. It's becoming physically painful. I've already been wanting to steal her on the road, unschooling, adventure filled life, and this latest development is like a stab in the eye. Hawaii. The land of my birth. My island heritage.**

They just decided that they've always wanted to live there, and they up and moved. Just like that. I'm in awe of them, so impressed with their fearlessness, with the way they follow their dreams. I would love to follow in their footsteps.

The only problems, from what I can see, are that A: I married my mother. Not literally, of course, but the same type of personality. I got MM to Texas, and now that we're back in AZ, I don't think he'll ever leave again. He's settled here, he loves it, he hates newness and starting over and all that comes with it. Life on the road, I'm afraid, is my dream, not his.

The B part is money. Now if we would have decided to do this when we sold the house before last, when we had a lot of money in the bank, maybe it could have worked. At least for a little while. But since we're down to a very small nest egg, I think one month in Hawaii would suck it all away. And work-wise, I'm not sure what we'd do in Hawaii. It's an expensive place to live. We could always sell pot to tourists, but what kind of example does that set for BW?

Hawaii, or really anywhere but Arizona, is not in our future. For now, I will continue to live vicariously through Vicki while enjoying the life we've created here. And maybe, just maybe, show up at her door one day for a visit during our next island vacation. :)


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*The devil's fruit. They are fruit, right? Doesn't matter. The important part here is that they're made by the devil. Which is code for I REALLY don't like them. But I'm beginning to find that they're kinda sorta OK cooked in some dishes, so, again, hoping for the best.

**Well, I was born there. My dad was in the Navy. Island heritage maybe a little inaccurate. It was mostly for dramatic effect.

Why, Hello There!

I've been hibernating. It's winter, what can I say?

First off, we've moved. When we decided BW and I weren't going to Texas, we looked into renewing our lease at our old place. We were told that because we were renewing, and not new to the apartments, our rent was going to go up nearly $100 a month. Really? In this economy? I'm surprised, but, I guess I shouldn't be.

We found a new place for the cost of what we had been paying. A bigger place, closer to our old neighborhood, where we could FINALLY have both our cats, and one of our large-ish dogs. We moved in four days, from start to finish. Well, MM moved. I worked.

We came up with an agreement with the friend who had been fostering our two dogs (remember Eva?). He had fallen in love with Eva, and since we had found her as a stray on Christmas eve, and then moved her into his place the following February . . . Yeah, he'd had her longer than we ever did, and he was smitten. But, Daisy is back home with us.* We're almost a complete family unit again. But more on that further down.

We've come to the conclusion that I'm just going to have to stay at my current job. My schedule is changing in a few months, so no more Saturdays, no more late nights. And, I'm going to part-time. My wonderful company will still give me full benefits and pay for my school.** I just can't walk away. MM's job is still up in the air, but, we have hope. It looks promising. We're going to leap and hope the net appears.

I can live with this newly proposed arrangement. I'll find out what my part-time schedule will be next month, and the plan is for BW to finish third grade, and then go back to homeschooling. We miss it, him and I. He's doing well, his grades are all good - which, at the very least, is validation that I'm teaching him at the public school level - and he really does like it. But, he also really likes homeschooling. We told him he could choose, so I expect we'll see how the summer goes and make a final decision in early August.

I'm sure my mother-in-law will be so pleased.

Our family friend is going to be moving back to AZ. I'm not sure I talked much about him before. He and MM used to work together, back before we were married. He lived around the corner from us, and has been a part of our life off and on for years. He'd fallen on some hard times a few years ago, and moved to Texas and lived with us. He worked nights and helped us out with BW when we needed him, and it just worked. I'm not sure how else to put it. He gave us enough space that we didn't feel over crowded, paid a little rent, and helped out when we needed him to. He became a part of our family.

He doesn't have any "real" family he's close to, and he wasn't sure what he wanted to do when we decided to move back to AZ. He stuck it out in Texas, but now that we're gone, he really has no ties to the area. He's decided he'd like to come back, and we told him our door was always open to him. He'll be back in March.

We're currently thinking if this job - hell, any job - ever picks up for MM, we'll buy a little land outside of town and, I don't know, do something with it. I can't really think past that. Or rather I can, but everything changes so I'm trying not to think too far ahead. In the meantime, things are starting to head back in a direction I'm content with.

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*My preferred method of dog poop care is to let it harden and then mow it over. Because I'm lazy like that. It seems they frown on that at apartments. I'll just say that there's a lot of "I took her last time, it's your turn!" and "Don't forget the bag!" and a little score keeping. So far, MM's winning. It's similar to having a baby again and arguing over dirty diaper changing.

**I'm taking a few history classes this semester. So far, they're really fun. I'm floundering school-wise, I can never pick a direction without changing my mind, so maybe having limited choices will do me some good. At any rate, at some point, I will graduate. :)

You Can't Always Get What You Want

Whenever I hear that song, I always sing it 'you can't always get a chihuahua' because that's what it sounds like to me during the choral singing part in the beginning. Is that just me?

So. More things changing here. Or not changing, to be more accurate. MM's job we were hoping he might get he still hasn't officially gotten. Although he's been working as a fill-in for them for about a month now. They're keeping him busy, but not paying well enough for me to head back to TX and finish school. Or for me to stay here and finish school. And him returning to the oil field just didn't pan out the way I thought it might.

I've nearly given up hope in finishing school as a nurse and/or rad tech/ultrasound tech. It's depressing on so many levels. I can't see that we're in a place financially where I can quit the job I have now and go back to being a f/t student. And I can't envision ever being in that place, which is the really suckish part.

I've come to realize that my desire to travel a ton and move from place to place isn't shared at all by my hubby. He's back home here in Phoenix, and is fairly unwilling to leave. My son is somewhat happily back in school (you know how that is, kind of depends on the day), which, again, kind of puts the kibosh on traveling a ton and moving around a lot. Not fair to do that to a brick and mortar schooled kid.

Apparently I'm the only one in our household unhappy with all this, so I'm kind of flailing around, figuring out what compromises I'm willing to make in the name of family.

I plan on taking one more course in hopes that maybe someday we can figure out a way for me to finish the degree I'd originally planned on - I know there has to be a way to work and go to school and clinicals and take care of my family and not go crazy while doing it, but, for the life of me, I cannot figure it out. I know it can be done, I've seen it. I just can't seem to make it work in my life.

I'm so tired of making plans that never actually pan out. I think my family is crushing my dreams out of me. Thank you, family.

What's funny, though? Is that I'm actually kind of OK with it all. Shit happens. Things don't turn out the way we want. Plans get put on hold. I can snuggle on the couch with MM and tell him he's ruining my life, and we laugh about it. It's kind of a joke, kind of not - and he knows this - but we're in a good place.

It's hard to be too unhappy with someone that buys you a birthday card on Christmas because Christmas cards just don't say just the right thing - that he loves you more than anything and that every day he's with you he loves you more. And that it's killing him that you're unhappy.

He's trying to make it up to me by being exceptionally sweet and thoughtful. And by doing all the housework and grocery shopping. It's sorta working.

So for now, I'm going to continue on with the company I'm currently working for, thankful that I have a job with them - they really are incredibly awesome to work for. And maybe I'll at last accept changing my major to something they'll pay for. English or History degree, anyone?

It does and doesn't help that I'm being lured in by their benefits. No more out of pocket costs for health care or school, no more student loans? It's really a hard to pass that up. My fear is that if I don't do it now, I'll never do it. It's like crack. Once you've sampled a little, it's a little hard to walk away. And they've already given me a raise. And a bonus. And I've got another of both coming in the next two months. The bastards.

I'm working to accept that my son and husband aren't on the same path I'm on - and that there's got to be a way for us to compromise and be happy. We just need to figure it out.

Merry Christmas

Christmas, Arizona Style

Hmmmm

I'm not sure what happened to my last blog post. It got eaten. Which is a little ominous.

Things are all up in the air here yet again. I'm not feeling much like blogging lately. In fact, I'm kind of thinking of killing the blog. I'm just not feeling it anymore. It is no longer seeming to fulfill a purpose for me. It's just one more thing I'm not getting accomplished as of late. One more thing that is not turning out at all like I had wanted it to.

I'm feeling a little bah humbug today, as you can see. :)

So, rather than prattle on about it, I'll wish you all a happy holiday and sign off. Hope the tail end of 2009 is wonderful to all of you!

Yep, Still Here!

I know, I know, it's been so long! All I can say is that come January, I'll be blogging more. I hope.

Once again, lots of changes are happening or about to happen here, but, I can't really talk about it just yet. I have to wait until all interested parties are notified, and then I'll update the blogosphere. Give me until after Christmas-ish.

Until then, let's just leave it at that for now. Though I guess I should say that the changes are good, and I'm really excited about them! Decisions have been made, and it feels great.

So, goodbye for now! I'll leave you to enjoy my lazy Sunday. Any day that doesn't require getting dressed and leaving the house is always a good one. :)