And oh yeah...

Happy New Year, Everyone!

May 2009 bring you a year of good health and happiness.

And after I went and offended Jesus...

MM had a big meeting today at work. The gist of which was,

We don't want to fire you all and leave you starving and homeless, selling drugs and sex to get by, but if we have to we promise you'll be the first people we hire back. Or, at the very least, when those of us in charge are working diligently to drum up more business (or, ahem, having our wild and crazy company parties), we'll totally get all our prostitutes and cocaine from you instead of that Houston street gang that we usually score our dope and ho's from.

They may not have actually said anything about selling sex or drugs, but hey, I can read between the lines.

So after I went and offended the Catholics, some random cross bearing stranger, and probably Jesus, MM's employer delivered a thinly veiled threat. Coincidence? I think not.

We are so very screwed.

Hobos for Christ and Fast Food Religion

So M2 and I are driving down the road, heading for dinner, and walking down the sidewalk are these two guys. And as we pass them, we realize one is carrying a cross. A giant, wooden cross. On his back. Like some sort of giant Jesus hobo stick. And he's just smiling and chatting away to his buddy, like he's carrying a backpack or something, no big deal, just walkin' down the road, carrying a six foot tall cross.

All I could think was, who does this? Where was he going? Did he make it at home and need to deliver it somewhere? Does he run some sort of crucifix delivery program? Door to door giant wooden cross salesman? It was an unusually warm day out, did he think he'd get some exercise, enjoy the sun, take the cross for a walk? Maybe he was starting a mobile church? He didn't seem like he was trying to accomplish anything with it, other than maybe transporting it from one area to another. He certainly didn't appear unhappy or worried, so I'm guessing he wasn't preparing for his own crucifixion.

It reminded me of a sign we saw the other day, something about a drive-through at a Catholic church. I can't remember the details, but I seem to remember it was some sort of confessional type thing. We instantly tried to create some sort of catchy signage for them:

Come try Our Lady of Perpetual Motion's
Drive-Through Confessional!
Penance and a Latte - for the Catholic on the go!

Is this particular to our part of the country, or are these things popping up everywhere now? Has anyone else seen people walking around with giant crosses? Are the boys in black pants and white shirts no longer doing their thing? Are many churches starting up their own drive-through confessionals? I am certainly not current in the latest religious fads, so maybe this is happening everywhere?

I tried to Google it, but "drive through confessions" just brought up a lot of links about people feeling guilty about their crappy fast food choices. There were also some people confessing their guilt to attempting to KILL US ALL by texting behind the wheel. As we speak, people may now be feeling forgiven for attempted vehicular manslaughter because they swung through the drive-through and confessed while waiting for a half-caf soy mocha latte. Great. Just great.

No good will come of this, my friends. No good at all.

Who, me?

Exhibit A: Daisy's brand new pink polka dot collar.

"No, I have no idea what happened to Daisy's collar. Why do you ask?"

There's a leash that met with the same demise. Puppies and babies...it's a good thing they're cute.

What book are you?

You're The Poisonwood Bible!

by Barbara Kingsolver

Deeply rooted in a religious background, you have since become both
isolated and schizophrenic. You were naively sure that your actions would help people,
but of course they were resistant to your message and ultimately disaster ensued. Since
you can see so many sides of the same issue, you are both wise beyond your years and
tied to worthless perspectives. If you were a type of waffle, it would be
Belgian.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

The funny thing is, I just finished this a few weeks ago. And I have to say, I'm a bit scared by my little quiz's findings....Schizophrenia, naively sure my actions would help people, worthless perspectives, if I were a waffle I'd be Belgian??? I think I want a do over.

Aaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!

Scene: 1:45 pm, we're all still in pj's, we haven't brushed teeth or showered, the house is a disaster.

Phone: Ring, ring
Me: Hello?
Voice: Hi, this is (insert random realtor) from (insert realty company). (Insert another random realtor) would like to come show your house today. They came to one of the open houses a few months ago and would like a second look. Would 2:30 or 3:00 be OK?
Me (in totally fake happy voice that I learned working for Mattel and Amex): Sure!!! Three would be PERFECT!!
Voice: Great! I'll let him know!

Panicking commences.

So as MM, BW, and I are running around like recently beheaded chickens, M2 and the girls came over. Because, oh yeah, they had called right before the realtor and were on the way to our house. I offered them an out, because I would never ask someone to help me clean my house. It was phrased something like this: "You totally don't have to stay and help clean my house, but ohmygod I need you, pleasepleaseplease stay and help me!!!!"

So with MM, BW, myself, M2 and both her girls all pitching in, our house was presentable in time for a showing. It wasn't perfect, but it was good enough. I hope. Think good thoughts for us.

Until we hear whether or not they're interested, I'll spend my time wondering if the universe was telling me I'd better get my act together and keep the house presentable (in all fairness, the ONLY time we've had people look at our house is during our scheduled open houses), or if it was reminding me that I have some pretty awesome people in my life. Probably both. But I gotta say, anyone who comes for a visit and ends up cleaning your house instead is a keeper. That and the fact that I'm a little afraid of her now because her cousin's husband has mob connections and she could totally arrange for me to sleep with the fishes. Or wear cement boots. Or get iced. Or whatever the current mob vernacular is. So, y'know, friends for life....

Passive Housing

In our quest to sell our home and figure out some sort of future in our less-than-stable economy, I've been looking into different housing scenarios. We've thought of living in an RV - the house that moves where ever the jobs are, AND answers my desire to roam. We've talked about buying a small house in the country that some friends of ours may or may not be selling - we'd end up with no mortgage and some land, but they haven't decided to sell yet. Just a technicality, really. I've also been doing some research into buying some land and building some sort of sustainable, environmentally friendly house. By research, I mean looking at different websites and thinking, Wow! Tipis!! Cool!!!!!

MM really doesn't care about living green. He wants to be comfortable and have all his toys. If he can do that in an energy efficient way, he will, but I'm going to have to be the one that seeks out the alternatives and gets everything set up. So when I told him I wanted to live in a tipi while we build a straw and mud house, his response was to roll his eyes and laugh.

Me: When we sell our house, we should buy a few acres and live in a tipi while we build a house out of mud!!!
MM: snort
Me: It will be great!!! We'll make these bricks out of mud and straw and put them together like Legos! BW and I play with Legos all the time! We could totally do it! How hard could it be??
MM: snort, eyes roll
Me: It's pretty windy here....Do you think our tipi would blow over?
MM: Umm, yeah.
Me: Promise me now you won't laugh when the tipi blows over and I'm trapped inside! Promise me you'll save me when I'm rolling around in giant circles through the fields!! PROMISE ME!!!!

I'm thinking the tipi idea isn't going to happen. Maybe a yurt?