A New Car*

Our game plan was to pay a big chunk to our van payment so we won't have payments for six months, and then get a new car with a lower payment after the first of the year. Because paying it off in full? Not happening. Need the money to live off of.

So, I sent off a check, and I filled the tank with gas** and wouldn't you know it? It starts making weird noises and going KA-THUNK periodically when I hit the gas. It kinded of sounded like the tranny was going to drop out when I hit the gas. Or what I imagine it might sound like, anyway. I'm not sure if that can even really happen or not, but I do know tranny's falling out of moving cars are never a good thing. No matter how you choose to define the word 'tranny' in that sentence.

In reading over that paragraph, I'm picturing a tranny in my passenger seat yelling KA-THUNK whenever I hit the gas. Just trying to bring you all in, get us all on the same page.

Anyway, back on topic. I tell MM that maybe we should look at cars this weekend because we sure as hell can't afford to sink even more money into this van. It's got a million miles on it, the gas mileage isn't the best, and since we have a few more years left to pay on it.... I'm thinking, maybe we'll find something good with all the Labor Day sales. And we did! I am the proud new owner of a used Toyota Prius.

I love it. She's light green and it feels like I'm driving (flying?) a space ship. And she's all fancy - back up camera, GPS, leather, nice sound system.*** Which are all a bunch of things I really don't need, I know. What sold me is seeing the stains in my light tan cloth interiored van. Never again. We are a messy family. We spill rather frequently. Dark colored leather interior makes for much easier cleaning.

I'm justifying the extra unneeded fanciness by this - the payment is still lower than what I'm currently paying for my van. I'll save a ton of money on gas. And I'll be driving this car for the rest of my life, so I'd better like it. And also, I am a terrible backer-upper. The camera really does make my life easier.

I went straight from the dealer to show it off to my mama, and then off to pick up M1 and head for IKEA. We previously sold BW's bedroom set and I needed to get him a new one.

M1 and I managed to fit the boxes for a loft bed (twin), computer desk, dresser, canvas tower storage thingymabob, a 5x7 rug, and assorted odds and ends (sheets, small lamp, chair, tupperwear set, etc) in the Prius. It was like a clown car, only instead of clowns it was filled with IKEA products. Which, seriously? Way better than clowns.

So I get home, MM and I unload all the stuff and bring it upstairs, and I go to bed. MM starts putting things together and at midnight I get woken up with, "MOMMY!!! Get UP! We need to take Daddy to the HOSPITAL!!!!! He BROKE HIS FOOT!!!"

Good. Lord. It never ends.

I'm still not clear on how it happened, but some drawer slid out of something and landed on MM's big toe. And he thinks it may be broken. And I'm all, "Hey, there's a bottle of percocet in the medicine cabinet and my crutches are over there in the corner. Aren't you glad I had foot surgery a few weeks ago? And, oh yeah, I'll be sure to take just as good care of you as you did of me."****

And then I went back to sleep.

What does one do for a broken toe? He broke his finger last year, and they put one of those little splints on it and that was that. And I actually doubt it's broken, because he can kind of bend it. Not paying a co-pay for a digit that still bends, folks.*****

Today he's managed to hobble around on it all morning, finishing up putting together all our IKEA booty. I'm thinking an ER trip is unnecessary.

The bad part is, I almost forgot to mention the broken body part after all the excitement of telling you about my Prius/IKEA trip. I know, I know. I'm such a good wife. Any man would be lucky to have me.

*******

*Say it like I am in my head - like Rod Roddy on The Price Is Right. It's much more fun that way. Everything is more fun when you say it like a game show announcer. Trust me on this.

**Wouldn't you know it? Every time a car I own gets wrecked or sold, it has a full tank of gas. Every stinkin' time. Sixty bucks wooshed down the drain. And they thought I was joking when I asked if I could siphon the tank. WTF?

***So yeah, I'm blasting Jason Mraz (because that's basically all I'm listening to right now) and my baby is thumpin'. I never even realized what I was missing in the van. I never even realized there was a thumpy part to Dynamo of Volition.

****MM is terrible at taking care of me when I'm hurt or sick. It's always nice to return the favor.

*****MM has killed all the sympathy I once had for him when he's in pain. It's his own fault, really. I can't be blamed for this.

That's What She Said*

We're watching the news. Our guy is doing a report on local "massage" parlors. He says, "Local businesses are saying these places are really a front for prostitution. Police are cracking down on the massage parlors that are trying to pull this off."

*snort!*

Thank you, Ron Hoon, for saying 'pull this off' in reference to prostitution. With a straight face, no less. You've made my morning.

******

*Yes, I know I've used this title before. It's early, couldn't think of a better one.

What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas

But, apparently only if it's not contagious.

My girlfriend C took me to Vegas for the weekend to celebrate my birthday. I came home with pink eye. PINK EYE. It's madness. MADNESS, I SAY!

The good news is I had a doctor's appointment anyway, so no extra trip for antibiotic eye drops. More good news is I got to stay home from work, because apparently pink eye = OH MY GOD, DON'T COME HERE WITH YOUR GOOPY EYE AND INFECT THE REST OF US!!!!!

I needed a day to recover, anyway. It all worked out nicely.

But back to my weekend. It was so much fun! We had free nights at one of the hotels on the strip, and I brought just a little spending money. I won enough that I was able to gamble all day long Saturday, plus a few hours Friday night and a few more Sunday afternoon. I came home with a tiny bit of money and didn't spend more than I planned. A successful trip to Vegas, in my book.

We had a great time together, as we always do. We laughed, drank, gambled, wandered, ate, and laughed some more. We were going to get matching tattoos, but we couldn't decide on one we liked. I was trying to sell her on a unicorn and a rainbow with BFF written under it, but C was having none of it. And then there's the issue of having three BFF's and not wanting to leave anyone out. Yeah, I'm thoughtful like that.

I drank more than I ever drink. Ever. I had something like five Bloody Mary's. In 12 hours. I know, I know. I'm wild and crazy like that.

Anyway, my birthday is this week, and I have to work. I'm not even really looking forward to it this year. I'm so wrapped up in the fact that I have to start school today, I'm working full-time, and I'm feeling pretty blah about everything.

I'm in a funk, and I'm working on getting out of it. In the mean time, though, I'm crabby and lethargic, and vitamin D deficient. Which probably doesn't have anything to do with it, but I just found that out this morning and thought I'd share. You're welcome. :)

I'll leave you with The Remedy (I Won't Worry). My obsession with Jason Mraz is becoming unhealthy, but I'll address that later. In the meantime, I'm trying to figure out how to break it to MM that I'm leaving him for Jason, his adorable facial expressions, dorky dance moves and vast collection of hats. This song is about his friend's cancer.

For now, sing it with me, folks: I, I won't worry my life away.

Mission Accomplished

My splinter's out! I still don't know what exactly it was, they had to send it to the lab. Sounds kind of ominous, doesn't it?

My nurse was hilarious. Turns out he teaches clinicals for the school I may or may not ever attend. Everyone there was really nice, and the whole thing went very smoothly. There was an one odd conversation, as I was being wheeled into to surgery:

RN: So. The anesthesiologist is going to give you the same thing Michael Tyson used to knock you out.

Me: He's going to PUNCH me in the FACE??

RN: What? OH!!! No! I meant JACKSON. He's going to give you what Michael JACKSON used.

Me: Ohhhh. Whew! Well, just don't leave me unattended then.

RN: Wouldn't think of it.

So, other than that, the fact that I'm on crutches for a week, and that it took four stitches* rather than the one I was led to believe it would take, all is well. It's just starting to get a little sore, 24 hours later. Hopefully it won't be too bad. I can't imagine it will.

I'm off to down some homemade soup and percocet. It's gonna be a fine, fine weekend.

*****

*Does this mean it's going to cost me four times as much for the surgery?

It's Friday!

Yay!!

I'm looking forward to a couple days off, though they'll be busy. Tomorrow, we head up north to visit my nephews.* Sunday, I have an afternoon planned with a friend. Both will be enjoyed from the driver's seat of my mother's car, which she so kindly left in her garage for my use.**

Next Friday I have to have surgery - real, actual, complete with anesthesia surgery. For a splinter. Yes, a splinter. This splinter of something has been stuck in my foot since, I don't know, sometime in March I think. March! I know!

I kept expecting it to work itself out of there. Because that's what splinters generally do, right? About three or so months later, I decided to take action.

See? It may take me a while, but eventually I clue in when things don't happen the way they should.

So after a doctor's visit, an ultrasound, and a consultation with a surgeon I finally have a date scheduled with some drugs and a scalpel. I'm sure good time will be had by all.

The only thing is, now I feel all this pressure to have knee surgery. I was in an accident when I was 15 and have had to have some knee surgery over the years. The last few months, my knee has been making this icky grinding noise when ever I go up stairs.

Deductibles being what they are, I'm thinking I should maybe take care of this situation this year, rather than next. So, I don't know. Surgery is probably rather pointless until I lose some more weight. Something else to think about, I guess. But the grinding! Gah!! It's setting my teeth on edge. I'm fairly certain joints are not supposed to make that kind of noise. Although, I am going to be a year older next month, so who knows.

OK, off to get ice cream with BW. Good night, y'all!

******

*My BIL won back custody of his boys, so BW's cousins will be living just a few hours away from us again. We're all pretty happy about it. I'm glad BW will have them in his life again. He misses my family in Texas, as rarely as he saw them, and he's thrilled the boys are going to be close.

**My mother generously leaves her car for me to drive when she goes out of town. It's significantly nicer than mine, and a nice treat to drive. Thanks, Momma!

Mullet With Headlights

I have to thank Kaaren at Once More With Feeling for this. She had this video up on her blog and I almost wet my pants I was laughing so hard.

These are Literal Videos - songs with the lyrics rewritten about what's literally happening in the video. Some are stupid, but these two cracked us up. MM and I must have watched Total Eclipse of the Heart ten times in the last few days.

Enjoy!

And So It Begins...

Today is the first. My birthday is this month.* Many years ago, I designated this month "The Month of Lisa".**

It's been slow catching on, but I have high hopes this time around.***

****

*26 more shopping days, my friends.

**This is all tongue in cheek, of course. Nobody makes a big deal about my birthday but me. And, other than claiming an entire month for the celebration of me, I really don't make a big deal of it. ;)

***As soon as I achieve my goal of being Queen/Dictator of a small island nation (preferably tropical), I'm sure it'll be all the rage. I try to make MM prepare by addressing me by my future title, but he ruins the effect by shortening it. Her Royal Heiny just doesn't have the same ring to it, ya know?